I want to apologize for an earlier post titled, "Dear Fundamental Christians."
I'm not apologizing for writing it, because I've learned from it. I am apologizing for writing it in anger.
After coming out and interacting with the same people I once called my friends, I experienced a much different "Christian love." It was sometimes passive aggressive, other times elitist, however, it always proved to be conditional. After coming out, I was on the outside and able to observe how I, and others like me, were being treated by these very fundamental, Jerry Falwellesque (if you will) Christians. I not only experienced this from the closest people to me but from complete strangers as well.
Experiencing this from self-proclaimed Christians gave me such a tainted view of all Christians. It has put an extremely negative, almost hateful, feeling towards them within me. I've laid in my bed for hours, in the middle of the night, having to convince myself that Jesus is nothing like them. Thankfully, he is also nothing like me and I am making it through the other side.
I apologize for allowing this extreme hurt and anger to build up within me and leashing it out in post like "Dear Fundamental Christians." I am learning how to let go of my own bitterness, resentment, and anger which has built up from past experiences with fundamental Christians.
My life, to me, is a journey of learning how to undo all that is selfish, over-indulgent, lazy, angry, and unloving within me. I choose to walk this journey with Christ and right now he is asking me to lay this anger down.
To those who that blog was directed at... I am sorry. Though there may be truth found in it, there was not love, and without love... truth is void.
Heartfelt, well said, speaks to my own sometimes anger... thank you.
ReplyDeleteI'm somewhat amazed that you can still work so closely with the Christian community. Lord knows I wish I could - I guess - but I've just decided to walk away from it. I really want nothing to do with them since - they - inherently want nothing to do with me. One day that might change - I hope all is well with you and that your journey unravels before you with joy and excitement.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this. I really needed to hear this from a fellow gay believer. Anger, frustration and feelings of betrayal are also some of the things that I have been going thru over the last year since I came out. I started a blog to try to convey this hard journey so that it might help others, but I have been finding myself paralyzed by those intense emotions. One thing I learned a while back was to never write, or make key decisions when the emotions are running hot, which is why I haven't written in a while. I admire and respect your desire to continue to exercise a real Christian heart, even towards those who attack us. Hang in there.
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